Pam's Lil Kidney / PLK's Journey

So far, I had to become a complete brat to get my checkmarks done.  Feels like when I was building this house.  I new one of us was doing it for the first time (me), but I had no clue the other side ACTS like it.  So I have to become the Team Lead and that's fine, but then don't screw with me, because I WILL lead.  I'm hoping I'm restoring confidence for them as well that I only grow horns and tail as needed, then they go away. -------------------- Since each time I use Linda's name (for whatever reason), I'm still greeted with a bit of a gasp, I'm pretty confident Linda is the Grand Poo-Bah and it was a relief and huge pleasure to meet her on my first day of chemo.  Below is just for me because I don't want to lose the trail.  She played a big part in restoring my confidence and keeping me positive and resolute.  Since this we've visited a couple of times and I enjoy her immensely. (ps. with Cycle 1 about to complete, so far everything she told me w...

Warning ~ Science Nerd Alert! ~ Funny, I don't "feel" smarter, but I AM more and more fascinated!  My Smart Port Since I'll be hooked up to IV's 3x/week (maybe every week) for 12-16 weeks, I get my very own port installed in my chest and here's what I know so far... this is so cooooool! I completely nerd out on science stuff, so you might get bored and skip this! Ultrasound IV For me, the second hurdle to surgery became the IV.  After my kidney removal, my heart is gratefully not pumping through the stage 4 tumor, so my blood pressure has dropped back to lower-than-normal lows and I'm learning my veins are considered small.  Add to that, they're getting pissed off being unsuccessfully and repeatedly poked.  Sigh.  They can't get a vein for the surgery IV, but instead of keeping on poking, they call the "pick team."  In rolls the ultrasound and Batman Danny lets me quiz him.  He shows me multiple veins on the ultrasound that are like an in...

"Fear is the mind-killer.”  Planning / trying t o face this with curiosity instead of fear.  I’m afraid, but trying to be aware and respectful.  Feel like a kid starting at a new school :-)   Have my satchel overflowing with blanket, iPad, snacks, etc. PLUS my little ice chest, new port installed yesterday (and icing worked MAGIC on the bruising... never forget the basics!)  Bummed that because of Covid,  I won’t be allowed to share the bags of candy, warm socks, magazines, etc that I bought to share with my fellow chemo pals, but I hope I can still share with nurses once I feel my way around. Was glad Genesis suggested the numbing cream last week during my Chemo-Teach, so I got that applied to the port site and safely covered with plastic.  Here I go... Met today's (and tomorrow’s) nurse Abigail and partner Melinda.  Abigail is engaging, loud and empathetic.  Young and newlywed in April, they rescaled their wedding from 400... to none. ...

Nope .  Not.   Nada .  Noooooo ! Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the drugs and yes I feel a touch queasy (and freezing) most of the time, but I AIN'T WO-MAN ENOUGH for Olanzipine 2.5mg 😡!  This is my "red" night-time drug that is the hardest-core and only for the 4 nights after each chemo drug.   I was hungover (and still a bit queasy, so glad I had the drug?) til waaay after lunch the first 2 days.  Trembly inside, no focus, little queasy.  Yowza, I know people pay big bucks to feel like that, but nooooo thank you. Talked with pharmacist who confirmed my dose is the lowest available (it goes up to 10mg!).  I asked about substituting something else and she volunteered maybe cutting it in half.  Yes, please and thank you!  2 nights of full pill, then 2 nights of 1/2.  Definitely a difference and I could function a bit better.  Still not quite right, but better.  Whew. So.   Day 2 was uneventful. ...

  "Fear is the mind-killer.”  Planning / trying t o face this with curiosity instead of fear.  I’m afraid, but trying to be aware and respectful. That quote is one of my favorite quotes from one of my all-time favorite movies, Dune.  For me, fear could kill my spirit and I refuse that!   I've come back to this quote a LOT lately.        I told my Mom:   This is the first time I've been afraid.      Mom:   Since all this started.      Me:   No, first time I've been afraid in maybe 20 years. In full disclosure, I've had lots of nervous, anxious, scary moments, but it's hard to think of actually being afraid.  Quite literally, afraid for my life?!  Even in the worst of moments, I know that my mental and physical will be able to "get me home" and it pretty much has, so controlling my fear is a badge of honor. But.  In retrospect,  I have thought of the only other time I can remember...

So.  In our sport, we’re always chasing trinkets and awards.  For me, it’s not the trinket any more, so much as chasing an award that sometimes gets me out riding when I might not.  "Gone this far, don't want to stop now."    One of those awards is the R12, which is a sanctioned route of at least 200km (125miles).  Do one every month, for 12 consecutive months, you get your “R12.”  Then you can take a break if you want (some folks get one and then that’s it) or you can just keep it going and immediately start your next one... like me.  My R12 streak has had no interruption since March 2006 until Covid.  For now, I have earned this award more than any other woman in our organization, so I don't wanna stop now! When RUSA (our governing organization) shut down this spring, there were no official sanctions, so everyone’s R12 hit “pause.”  For me, it was awesome!  With my kidney cancer, it would’ve probably been unsuccessful to maintain ...

(10 days before chemo) Finally!   Been a long, almost 7 weeks since I last rode Quickie the day before surgery.  Saturday, Dan and I rode a slow & easy 100k and it felt soooooo good!  Trees were stunning.  Halloween and fall decorations still out.  So many families walking and playing in the yard.  Really couldn't have been a better day :)  Rode through Grapevine and even saw Santa! In hopes I can do a 200k next wknd (get one before chemo starts), I pushed things a bit and did another 100k Sunday.  That one:  Lot more wind.  Headwind both ways since the wind shifted.  Not many, but a few pretty significant hills.  LOL, including the last 1/2mile uphill to the car in my granny gear :)  Lots was on the Trinity Trail, which also had the FW Marathon today!  At first, it was cool.  Cheering all the runners, but after a couple hours of dodging people, I was hoping they would all be gone when we came back... an...