November R12

So.  In our sport, we’re always chasing trinkets and awards.  For me, it’s not the trinket any more, so much as chasing an award that sometimes gets me out riding when I might not.  "Gone this far, don't want to stop now."   

One of those awards is the R12, which is a sanctioned route of at least 200km (125miles).  Do one every month, for 12 consecutive months, you get your “R12.”  Then you can take a break if you want (some folks get one and then that’s it) or you can just keep it going and immediately start your next one... like me.  My R12 streak has had no interruption since March 2006 until Covid.  For now, I have earned this award more than any other woman in our organization, so I don't wanna stop now!

When RUSA (our governing organization) shut down this spring, there were no official sanctions, so everyone’s R12 hit “pause.”  For me, it was awesome!  With my kidney cancer, it would’ve probably been unsuccessful to maintain and demoralizing... but I didn’t have to worry about it.  No RUSA = No R12 over my head!

RUSA opened back up in August for sanctioned rides and I was able to scrape that ride out.  
    ✓August check mark.  

Then another before my nephrectomy.  
    ✓ September check mark. 

Pre-rode our October brevet the weekend before surgery.  
    ✓ October check mark.  

My original plan for November R12 was to ride Thanksgiving to give me 9 weeks of healing after surgery, but the chemo curve-ball changed that.  With chemo (and the port surgery) looming, now I wanted November sooner in case chemo knocks me on my ass and I do NOT want to delay chemo.

Nov 2 - Met my new oncologist and he’s totally on board with my riding but there’s a LOT of appts that need to happen in a VERY short time for me to start Monday, Nov 16.  Picked this day to still have a chance to ride at Thanksgiving.  And today was the first chance I had to finally start a plan.

(and first day I'm allowed to ride outside)

Nov 4-13  Tons of appts and had to grow horns and a tail (thank you DeeAnne for that one!😈) to get the port scheduled and the newest curve ball was the port itself.  Apparently they cut into some of the chest muscle to get the port inserted and riding a bike for 10hours can be kinda like one long push-up on that handlebar.  So, no biking for about 10days after😒Need to ride before that, but how?

Nov 7-8  My back-to-back 100k's that were a bit toooooo much but I was so grateful to be outside!

Nov 9-10 - I am getting so pissed about still not having a port date, but mostly I am really wigging out again over the chemo in general / poisoning my kidney, etc.  Trying to kill my kidney has become a constant thought.  Was NOT doing well this Mon & Tue, to the point that I couldn’t stop crying Tuesday at work.  No one reason for it.  I'm just a mess, so I asked for a mental health day Wednesday to get my act together.  I’m usually ok once I get re-grounded.

Knowing how I need exercise, Ginny even asked me if I could go ride Wednesday and I said no, no chance, but then Dan asked the same thing.  Could I really do a 200k Wednesday?  Sunday’s 100k did NOT end well, but it did finally end.  Should I even try?

So, we picked a route that starts near Dan’s house, not one of our hillier routes and started out.  The weather is STILL uncharacteristically gorgeous and today was another.  First couple hours are good but I was still prepared to turn around and not finish the route.  No horrible headwind.  Beautiful.  Next couple hours are good as we approach the turnaround.  I’m still feeling pretty ok and I’m thrilled!  

On the Rando Road Again

Then we turn around.  There’s a quartering headwind, which should've made me point it out... but something was changing.  All of a sudden, I’m happier than I’ve been on a bike in longer than I can remember.  Even with some headwind, I realize my bike isn’t “fighting” me, which I’ve complained about for years.  I’m not stronger or faster, but it seems so much easier.  I pedal, she goes!  That hasn't been the case in forever and I’d forgotten that feeling to the point where I’m just amazed.  For years, I’d pedal and I'd feel her say “really?" "Are you sure?”  Sometimes I feel she just says “fuck you" or "I don’t want to.”   Today Precious just goes!! (yeah, yeah, I still haven't found her perfect name yet.)

I start laughing.  Then I start howling.  Then I’m actually challenging Dan and laughing the whole time!  We push pretty good for this next 33 mile stretch and I’m working, but it’s easy AND FUN.  I’ve been asking an awful lot the last few years “remind me why this is fun?” and “remind me when this used to be fun?”  Today really was fun!!!

Though I was really glad to be done, the last 20miles home were still great and now I’m exhausted and smiling like a ding-dong because it’s finally fun again and PAM IS BAAACK!

Emailed my surgeon my overall recovery progress, culminating in my recent rides and even adding that Dan said if he (Dan) could ride like he did 5 years ago, he might have a kidney removed too :)  Since Doc T told me he expected my recovery to be abnormal and surprise me, I filled my email with "you were right!"  Doc T emails back "that is the most awesome note ever!" and makes my day of course.  

So, I’m finally feeling more like “me” again and my plan is to start chemo in 5 days.  No more of “this” me for a while, but I know I will come back again.  My mental health day didn’t go as originally planned, but it was way better!