Fear is the mind-killer, Day 1

"Fear is the mind-killer.”  Planning / trying to face this with curiosity instead of fear.  I’m afraid, but trying to be aware and respectful. 

Feel like a kid starting at a new school :-)   Have my satchel overflowing with blanket, iPad, snacks, etc. PLUS my little ice chest, new port installed yesterday (and icing worked MAGIC on the bruising... never forget the basics!)  Bummed that because of Covid,  I won’t be allowed to share the bags of candy, warm socks, magazines, etc that I bought to share with my fellow chemo pals, but I hope I can still share with nurses once I feel my way around.

Was glad Genesis suggested the numbing cream last week during my Chemo-Teach, so I got that applied to the port site and safely covered with plastic.  Here I go...

Met today's (and tomorrow’s) nurse Abigail and partner Melinda.  Abigail is engaging, loud and empathetic.  Young and newlywed in April, they rescaled their wedding from 400... to none.  Sure hope they can have a party on their anniversary.  She remained energetic all day but the strain showed later in the day as she dealt with rotating all the med bags for at least 6 of us throughout the day, questions from us all, not to mention her constant documenting and other chores throughout the day.  I watched while she was still engaged and attentive, but her steps were less bouncy, her hair more disheveled, back not quite as straight.  She's a trooper and I'm grateful for her!

My schedule today (Day 1A)

My new pal Twiggy

• 8:30a checked in.  LOL... new goal is to take the stairs to/from the 3rd floor each time 😊
• 8:45ish let’s get started!  Weigh, tour and Q&A the whole time, take temp, B/P, etc. Abigail is very good about talking through everything before and while she does it.
• 9:15  start saline, will go all day
• Somewhere in here Linda Dunn makes an appearance and I'm thrilled to meet her on Day1.  She pretty much renewed my confidence in the company and gets her own kudos later.
• 10a add Aloxi (nausea) and dexamethasone (steroid) about 20min bags.   Cinvanti  (another for nausea) about 5 min bag that generally triggers strong aftertaste, everything from dirt to Birthday cake!  Got lucky? No aftertaste for me.
• 10:25 chemo 1.  Gemzar (Gemcitabine) will be in all of my weekly chemo.  (About 30 min)
• 11a chemo 2. Cisplatin (this is the bigger doozy) 2hr,7min.  
• 1:10p - 1 more liter of fluids (2hr)
• 3:20p - Finished fluids
• 3:25p - flush port with Heparin and tape it all up.  Since I’m coming back tomorrow, Abigail offered to tape everything instead of a fresh poke tomorrow.  Yes, please :)
• 3:45p - back in the car & shorter than I was expecting  Abigail cautions to still plan 8 hrs because today we didn't do labs, didn't meet with the Dr, etc.

I basically read and watched a movie.  Had planned on streaming video but the WiFi sucks :)  No biggee, I’ll download some when I get home.  With so much nurse engagement, not a whole lot of “down” time.   

The room is one big room.  8 sections with  8 chairs each.  And each section is sub-divided into 4 chairs each.  My “neighbor” is maybe 6-7’ away, but the 2 chairs across from me are more like 20’ away.  We’re in recliners with heat available!  Nurses do double-duty with drinks and snacks and occasionally a hospitality cart comes by with coffee, juice and snacks and blankets / extra pillows are easy to get...me... I bought special blankets just for chemo, which are MUCH happier than their plain ones :-). Plus, there's vending with snacks, drinks, etc.  They really DO work hard to make this as pleasant as possible.

My closest neighbor today is Beverly who is treating Lung cancer with chemo and radiation (that sucks).  Across from us is Bruce who is here for pancreatic cancer.  Both are older than me and Bruce seems to still be fairly spry and curious.  He is engaging and personable.  Beverly is harder to talk with, mostly because of her coughing.

Restrooms are easy and access to water is easy for after my smoothie.  Was prepared for it to be cold in here, but it’s great.  I’m in my short-sleeved PJ top most of the time!  So, thanks to Becky Gibbs, I have a little inventory of Soma pajamas and the button-down tops are perfect for chemo ports!

More drugs - So the anti-nausea meds are in my IVs, plus I have a stable of drugs at home.   AND a color-coded chart for taking them... it’s Drugs for Dummies!!  And each of THESE have their own side effects too of course, like constipation, etc.  So I will try to limit their use as best I can.  The drug for the first 4 nights is actually an anti-psychotic/anti-schizophrenic that is wonderful for chemo nausea.  Really?!  Only take it the 4 nights after Gemzar or Cisplatin.  Then I rotate into the more “normal” nausea meds.  My goal is to use ginger chews/tea and food to stave off the nausea and avoid drugs unless I can't function.

Drugs for Dummies ~ Hilarious and Smart!!!

Some after - Soooo full of fluid and I am miserable!  I drank almost my normal 3 liters, but learned don't do that!  Added to their almost 6 liters = tooooo much.  Headache.  Tired of the mask. Definitely not cold in there.  Glad to head home after.  Everything went smoothly, totally uneventful, but my nerves are completely shot.  I feel like  a stuffed, bloated sausage with so much fluid, PLUS my own normal drinking.

No chance of eating.  THERE'S NO ROOM!  Not expected to feel symptoms til Day 3-5 and so far, just a headache, so I'm good!   Felt good to work a bit when I got home and have some normal.  Took my "red" pill about 8 and call it an early night :)